MYRTLE, ME, AND HIGH PRIESTESS POOEY-PANTS

Back when I was at the tender level of 18 and a new Haven recruit, I was lucky to meet Myrtle who had been Haven's only gnome warlock. Myrtle took me under her wing and gave me lots and lots of advice about how to be a good gnome, how to be cheeky to the right people, how to teach my demons to do the same, and how to kiss boy gnomes without dribbling in their mouths. At this time, Myrtle was a good 25 levels or so higher than me and she was busy trying to get to level 60 so she could kill really big monsters.

Now however, I'm a healthy level 57 and a half and have started seeing more of Myrtle. We had our first outing together at the weekend where we went to Dire Maul with Adre, Qilar, and Arcamedis (Haven guildies). We both killed lots of stuff and had a great time. It was a proper warlock bonding session. We'd been collecting the heads of enemies and putting them in a sack. After we'd got Lethendris' Web, we sat down and peeled the scalps back, pierced a hole with the ends of our wands, and used one of the felhunter's spines as a straw. This is an ancient warlock method of gaining intellect and stamina but Myrtle said I'm not allowed to tell anymore. Then we stacked up the skulls and found that the pile was taller than us! We must've been very thirsty gnomes as we also had lots of cerebro-spinal fluid on our chins.


Myrtle and myself with the pile of skulls

Anyway, last night Myrtle invited me to her Spinners Class. This involves discarding clothing and spinning round very fast until we get dizzy and fall over and it makes us giggle a lot. At the moment we go to the Beginner Classes but we're almost ready for Advanced where we spin around on banana skins. There's a special class once a month in Zul Gurrub and to get there we had to catch the boat from Auberdine. While waiting we bumped into some fellow guildies which was nice.


Bumping into guildies at Auberdine

So anyway, we got to Zul Gurrub and found a nice spot and we took off all our clothes. It was a very hot day and we were going to get even hotter if we were exercising. Myrtle expressed hatred for the underwear that Mr Blizzard had made her wear whilst I looked down at myself in complete disbelief, realising we were wearing the same underwear. Gasp! What a fashion faux pas! Oh well.


Us in our skanky underwear

So we started running around and spinning and then all of a sudden there was this big booming bitch voice asking who we were and why we were invading her territory. We looked around and saw High Priestess Jeklik (level ?? elite). 'Right', said Myrtle, 'we're kickin her ass and giving her a bitch slap. Do you think she looks scared of us?' I said that she did as I spotted a faint dark circle of pee in the front of Jeklik's pants. Myrtle was sure she could smell poo as well although we weren't sure whether it was us or Jeklik. Anyway, we had our imps with us and the imps shouted at Jeklik, 'You smell like poop!' so we figured it was Jeklik who'd crapped her pants (plus she was running a bit funny). To be honest, it looked like she was ill as lots of fire came out of her bottom.


High Priestess Jeklik looks a bit ill

To be nice, we politely ignored her condition and asked High Priestess Jeklik if she wanted to join our spinning class but she was so tall she couldn't hear us. So we whooped her pooey ass for being rude and then went back to Ironforge to tell everyone who would listen what a 'Polly Pooey-Pants' Jeklik was.


The imps shout, 'You smell like poop!'

While we were knocking back our favourite drinks of Pinot Noir with Dwarven Ale chasers, we drunkenly decided to write a letter to Mr Blizzard complaining about our skanky underwear. Some dwarves over in the corner of the Ironforge inn were giving us the eye and the last thing we needed was to reveal our 'shortcomings' (so to speak). I mentioned an idea to Myrtle that Puppy had about writing a letter to ask for more toilets, and that we could do the same and ask for new underwear. And so we did ....