PUPPY POO – MY PARTNER IN THE MOST HIDEOUS CRIME

My everyday salute to Ironforge

It was an accident! I swear!

OK! OK! It WAS an accident. I swear on the 1,000 year-old toffee encrusted bits in Vandor Stormpike’s beard!

Anyway this is how it happened just before we managed to get into The Outlands. I’ve been too embarrassed to say anything until now …..

The first I heard of it was when I woke up in my house in Ironforge to find skeletons everywhere and people shouting, “Get a warlock to enslave it!”, “Quick! Corner it!” and, “AAAARRRGHHH! MY LEEEEEEGS ARE GOOOOONE!!!111one.” Fernando my Felguard had been guarding me from ‘the thing’ outside but was looking at me rather sternly. As he brought me my armor to wear he said, “I think you should come outside with me ma’am.” As I trotted outside on my Dreadsteed, I began to see more and more chaos and bodies, heads smashed against walls with drippy bits of brain everywhere (I scooped some up to make into a nice pudding for later), lots of limbs scattered everywhere, and the most god-awful screaming.

As I ventured outside I saw him.

Kruul.

Spotting Kruul

“How the hell did he get there?” I thought to myself. I was still a bit blurry eyed from the night before. I’d gone off out to the Dark Portal to see whether I could catch a glimpse of The Outlands, I’d bumped into a boy gnome (can’t remember who), we’d had a few Dwarven Ales, messed about a bit, and I’d somehow got home in one piece. So I rode a bit nearer to Kruul to investigate and SMACK! I was dead!

Me dead

“Well that wasn’t a nice thing to do,” I thought to myself. So, after rezzing at the nearby graveyard and dusting myself off, I carefully made my way back to my house only to find that Kruul had gone! Luckily (or unluckily) as I was soon to find out I bumped into my friend Arcamedis. He filled me in on the details of what had happened.

He didn’t look very happy with me and what he told me next filled me with terror. He’d been making his way home from killing things the night before and had found me drunkenly slumped on Felicia, my Dreadsteed (how embarrassing). As he took me home and laid me on my bed I’d mumbled something about meeting a boy gnome, getting drunk, and summoning Kruul through the portal. OH NOES! As the shivers ran through me and I realised the enormity of what I’d done, Arcamedis grabbed my clammy hand and led me outside to face the destruction I’d caused.

*sniffle*


*cries*

What he told me next filled me with dread. Modnahria, High Chief Tummy Rubber and the leader of the furbolgs (and one of my greatest friends), wanted to see me at Shattrath to discuss what I’d done (apparently Khadgar had heard about it and was a little bit cross). After secretly weeing myself I went off to meet her and to face my punishment. Before I went I sent a message to my lovely friend Puppy to see if he would come with me and hold my hand.

Firm friends - Modnahria, me, and Puppy

He immediately agreed and I felt a little better knowing he would be there to provide comfort and hopefully cookies. Arcamedis also came with me because we are good friends as well and although he was quite cross with me, he was quite forgiving. What lovely friends!


Firm friends - Arcamedis and me

As we got to Shattrath, Modnahria was there waiting for me and looking really cross. And all of a sudden I felt so much smaller than normal. I considered doing a cute dance and a /choo choo for her but figured I might wee myself again.

As she spoke to me it hurt my neck a bit having to look up to her for what seemed like an eternity. But what she had to say made me eventually cry. I felt so stupid and silly and promised that I would NEVAH EVAH drink again, or mess about with stuff that I know nothing about (a habit I need to kick at some point). In fact, I could hear Puppy snuffling next to me and hoped he wasn’t crying too. I glimpsed out of the corner of my eye and I saw a tear hanging from his nose (or it could’ve been snot – you never can tell with Puppy). I then turned to look up at Arcamedis who was looking down at me with a sad look on his face. He secretly stuffed a sweetie into my hand for later to make me feel better, and then he went off to check out the gadgets on sale in the new shops.

I pleaded with Modnahria for forgiveness and apologised again. Her furry face looked less stony and she eventually decided that although I was a naughty gnome, she would forgive me. But she gave me a punishment so I would learn my lesson. My punishment was to give Modnahria ALL my cookies to her PLUS check her fur for nits and bugs, for one week (argl!)


I'm a bad gnome. Oh dear.


I agreed to the punishment list. Well I had to! Although I secretly had all my fingers crossed behind my back and as Puppy listened to my punishment list he put his hand comfortingly on my bottom. I hope he didn’t feel the damp stain!

As Modnahria walked away to report back to Khadgar I turned to Puppy only to find him with an evil glint in his eye and a smirk on his face. “What?” I said. And then it suddenly dawned on me. “It was you wasn’t it? It was you I was with last night!” I said. “Yes,” said Puppy. “That was so much fun. Everybody managed to rez and their armour repair bills were the only things they had to worry about. Who cares about summoning Kruul!”

And then it all came back to me in a flash. We’d been drinking at The Dark Portal, Puppy and I had a special Gnome Ale chaser (it contains bits of goblin, dwarf hair, and a secret sweet potion his Ma created – knocks your socks off). After that I’d thought it was a good idea to summon Smurfy to join us but I’d accidentally clicked the wrong summon button. As Kruul came raging through the Portal, we’d peed ourselves and I’d grabbed an elastic band from my pigtail and quickly wrapped it around Kruul’s neck. Unfortunately for us, the further Kruul got, the more stretchy the elastic band was until it snapped and threw the two of us back against the portal pillars where we’d knocked ourselves out. Puppy had come to, and had run off for help, but because he’s so small he’d got trapped in a ditch whilst attempting to steal demon cheese from the felguards nearby.

I was a bit cross that Puppy hadn’t owned up as well but he’s so cute and sweet I forgave him. We trotted off to a corner of Shattrath to chat when Puppy turned to whisper to me.


Puppy dares me

“Shall we summon another?” giggled Puppy.


Hehe