MODNAHRIA FINDS A COOKIE TREASURE MAP (WITH GOBLIN SPIT) AND PUPPY GETS A NEW AIM IN LIFE

I was out playing in Un Goro with my Haven friends when Modnahria said that she'd heard about some secret cookie location in Fire Plume Ridge. She told us that she'd been killing goblins in Booty Bay and, after looting one of them, found a cookie treasure map with a big crumbly 'X' that was marked in very old brown goblin spit and had obviously belonged to The Goblin Workshop. The thought of cookie treasure made us all dribble as well and we had to clean each other's guild tabards with grass, although I think Puppy accidentally smeared a bit of dino poo on his. I also made a mental note to ask Parsnip, our guild leader, whether some of us could have temporary plastic tabards we could keep in our pockets for when we had trouble controlling our slaver glands.


The cookie treasure map stolen from The Goblin Workshop (with goblin spit smear)

Anyway, we decided to hunt out the cookies so we prepared ourselves by punching each other playfully on the arm until that person said, 'Ow', then we'd punch them harder. Modnahria was in charge as she's the biggest, followed by the rest of us - me, Puppy, Vororth, Celimka, and Smurfy (as he'd never tried cookies before). On the way to Fire Plume Ridge we killed some stuff like big dinosaurs and we all decided we'd like to see Jurassic Park on the big screen after tea.


We pretended we were in Jurassic Park

As we started to climb up Fire Plume Ridge, we got hotter and hotter and Modnahria took all her clothes off!! I was quite shocked and a tiny bit jealous as Modnahria has long legs and I don't but I felt better when Puppy took his clothes off. He's a short ass as well although his muscles are quite nice and his head is the same colour as the rest of his body. I did find it disconcerting though when he ran around going /choo choo! (and his yellow underpants nearly fell down round his ankles).



Puppy and Modnahria take their clothes off

As Vororth ran away to escape being forced to take his clothes off, Celimka noticed his shield and exclaimed how great it was. I sometimes don't like to stand behind Vororth as I find his shield quite hypnotising. It spins round and round and I bet he really stole it off a car as it looks like a car wheel trim. Anyway, Modnahria and I changed into furbolgs as we thought it would make more sense when sniffing for cookies. Puppy, being a very brave adventurer, decided to lead the way from that point, even though he wasn't sure where he was going. He didn't tell us til later that he was following furbolg droppings but that they'd stopped at a certain point and then nothing .... so he said he'd used a 'Process of Extrapolation' to find the cave. It had lots of letters so it was obviously a very clever method to use and he said he'd read about it in 'Bear Faced Cheek' magazine last month.



Celimka admires Vororth's car wheel trim ... er ... shield while the furbolgs prepare for sniffing

When we got to the top of the mountain, there were some fire elementals (including some bigguns) that we had to kill and that didn't take long at all because we kick ass. Puppy led us to the cave at the top of the ridge and we all stepped inside not knowing what to expect. Suddenly Modnahria shouted, 'the secret cookie box!' and pointed with her big furry fingers towards a small chest on a shelf behind us. Everyone ran towards it at the same time except me because I was too much in awe of the special cookie chest.



The secret cookie box is found!

In fact, Puppy got there first even though his little legs had problems getting up on to the ledge. Modnahria said that she wanted Puppy to go and stand by me as she was sure there might be a spring trap attached to the cookie chest. She did have a lot of drool hanging from her mouth and I did worry whether she might shake her head like dogs do sometimes. Just to be safe I momentarily closed my eyes and mouth. When I reopened them, I noticed that Modnahria jaws were clean and two small puddles had appeared in front of her back paws.


Modnahria takes charge

Both Celimka and Vororth helped Puppy to get down off the ledge. Vororth bent over as Puppy skipped on to his back and then he leapt into Celimka's arms who then put him on the floor. As Modnahria tinkered with the cookie chest the cave went quiet aside from the occasional sniffing and scratching noise made by her as she used special tests to check for traps. Poor Smurfy couldn't handle the pressure and had to run round the cave at right angles.


Opening the cookie chest

Instead of a *ping!*, we heard a *cracksplinter* noise as the lid collapsed off to the side of the chest. We noticed a small tear appear at the corner of Modnahria's eyes and she couldn't even bring herself to say, 'Rawr'. The cookies had gone. But where? There were only a few crumbles left so either the goblin who owned the map had eaten them or they'd been .... gasp! .... stolen! Modnahria told us she was taking the chest home as she had some special forensic cookie equipment that would tell her whether goblins had taken the cookies by checking for goblin drool.

In the meantime, I went over to talk to my friend Puppy who was upset too. It'd been ages since he'd had a cookie. Poor Celimka had never had cookies before and so we all felt particularly upset when she started crying like a baby with a slapped bottom. It was Vororth who cheered the group up by saying that we would carry on the search for cookies. He said that because we'd got this close then we mustn't lose hope. At that point we looked out of the cave and the sun rose above the Un Goro crater with a big smile on it's face and everybody sighed and felt very cheesy.


Puppy vows to help lead the cookie cause. Brave Puppy!

Puppy turned to the group and said, "I've decided that I'm going to start a new project based on my superior path finding skills." "More like sniffing out furbolg poo," I muttered. Puppy politely ignored me and continued to us that he would do what he could find the perpetrators and find the greatest cookies in all the land.

He said he'd call it - The Search for Cookies and Truth.

Everybody thanked Puppy and then we all hearthstoned back to the Ironforge Inn to have a burping competition with Dwarven Ale and Nogginfogger chasers we'd picked up on the way to Un Goro. Rawr!

METALGEAR'S NEW MOUNT


Metalgear and his new mount, me atop Felicia my Felsteed, and Choham (my minion and butler)

I helped my dwarf friend Metalgear got his new mount a few weeks ago. He was excited as he'd saved long and hard for it and we set off to get it from Amberstill Ranch in Dun Morogh. I already had my mount but out of politeness I ran next to my friend as I didn't want to leave him behind. I also liked watching him run in his new leggings .... After he'd made the difficult choice of deciding what colour ram he wanted (we thought the grey ones were cute), we rode off into the wilds of Dun Morogh and raced each other back to Ironforge. Despite me having Mithril Spurs attached to my nice orc-lined boots, Metalgear still gave me a run for my money. Having said this, I still managed to overtake him on the run up to Ironforge. Me competitive? Pfft!

MODNAHRIA'S NEW HOME (IN A SECRET LOCATION)

Last night, I took my friend Vororth to a secret location, the new home of my furbolg friend Modnahria. It didn't take me and Smurfy the voidwalker long to blindfold him with bits of old sellotape and I had to secure his hands and ankles with old bits of straw so he wouldn't try and take the blindfold off. With Vororth safely slung over my shoulder and unable to struggle, and completely at my mercy, I slowly set off on my journey, disregarding all thoughts of drawing rude pictures on his bald head. As we approached the main entrance, we were met with fierce rantings and ravings from the guardian furbolg but Modnahria was soon abated when she realised it was her friends who had accidentally set off the secret alarm she'd had installed earlier that day. The stupid Venture Co. engineers had got the wires mixed up and were coming back the next day to fix it.

Once inside, Modnahria helped me rip off Vororth's blindfold and bindings. Vororth didn't mind losing his eyebrows from the sellotape. "They'll grow back", he said. First we were shown the kitchen. It was very basic and very lovely and homely. A perfect amount of space to slaughter and then rip apart humans and animals without worrying about getting blood and crap all over the place. There was also plenty of storage space for lots and lots of different types of cookies. Modnahria also had a nice selection of cookie jars she'd crafted from human heads. "I got the idea from the Indiana Jones film", she said. "Y'know, the bit where they scoop out the monkey brains?"


Modnahria's Kitchen

I needed the toilet and so I followed Modnahria to the cutest little room of green gemstones I'd ever seen. As I sat down to go about my business, Smurfy insisted on still guarding me but he very politely turned his back after grunting once or twice. Vororth was very impressed with the decor and asked Modnahria where she got the gemstones from. Modnahria told Vororth that the gemstones were imported from a very special place and wasn't too keen on revealing the location of the seller as she wanted to be the exclusive furbolg with the bestest house ever.



Me Going About My Business

We were also shown the bedroom which had lovely lighting. Modnahria said that she was lonely. I said that because the bedroom area was very romantic she shouldn't have to wait long for a mate. Just down the corridor was an area that would be converted into a games room with a pool table and maybe some slot machines. Modnahria was also going to erect a front door as she was sick of all the adventurers traipsing through her house looking for quests and then leaving muddy footprints all over her expensive Silithus rugs.


Modnahria's Beautiful Bedroom

We had a lovely time in the new house and promised not to tell anyone the location. Vororth was told the location as he didn't want to lose his eyebrows twice in a row but he's very good at keeping secrets.

And so, we left Modnahria, promising to return soon for cookies and coffee and maybe some Rumsey Rum, and Noggenfogger chasers.

ARE YOU A FRIEND OF A FURBOLG?

If you are, then you'll give us a cookie when we ask for it. Yesterday, I was invited to join Nirr and Modnahria in a cookie robbing frenzy that was taking place in a dark corridor in Ironforge. They had both managed to steal 5 gold and a cake so far and were currently looking for more cookies. We had lots of fun and were soon joined by other furbolgs who'd heard of our daring exploits.

Cookie 'hunting' in a dark corridor

Cookie 'hunting' is hard work for a furbolg

One human we were trying to rob was particularly mean and stingy and kept trying to escape. What he didn't understand was that we would be able to smell him no matter where he went. He stupidly tried to hearthstone from the corridor to the Ironforge Inn, thinking that we'd assume he'd hearthstoned to Stormwind but we knew. We scampered off to the Inn and found him and licked him, and then drew straws to see who was going to eat which limb. He was very scared. Hahahahaha



We found him in the inn in Ironforge

One human rubbed my tummy which was nice but it didn't distract me from demanding cookies.

RAWR!

HELLO EVERYONE!

I thought I'd attach a couple of nice photos I found the other day. I had a really nice photo of me but Puppy found it and cut my head out. He then proceeded to stick it on the bodies of murlocs and slimes as he thought it was funny. Serves me right I suppose for eating the rose he gave me as a present.

My head

This is a picture of me in my early teens. I'd just started adventuring about three weeks before and was still a nervous little gnome. Look, I'm so nervous I don't even have my demons with me. I'm Level 56 now so looking at this photo makes me feel quite grown-up. This was also around the time I joined the Haven guild and made lots of nice friends.

Me in Auberdine

HALALESET SEES HER FIRST (GASP!) STRIPPER

I was looking through my quest log and noticed that I had a lot of green quests that needed doing. Especially those ones in the dungeons. As I was thinking that the green colour for the quests was not as nice as my green hair and eye colour, I was also chatting to my paladin friend Vororth. He'd been wanting to try out his new sword for ages (but it wasn't as good as his other one, even though it glowed magnificently). He offered to help me finish my green quests and we both expressed an interest for killing ass in Uldaman. We enlisted the help of our friends Adre (the night-elf warrior), Vasyor (a human rogue), and Lasombre (a night-elf priest). Although Lasombre was a level 39 and a few levels too low for Uldaman, we all thought that he was very brave indeed when he offered to come along and help heal the party. 'I'll stay at the back', he said.

So off we rode to Uldaman, stopping off only at Loch Modan, to buy champagne, truffles, cheese sandwiches, crisps, sweets, and bottles of Coke (a superior mana potion that is also important for burping competitions). There were a load of miscreants outside Uldaman, so we despatched, sliced, and placed them between our remaining slices of bread, and began our intrepid encounter into Uldaman. We killed very well together and stole lots of stuff and broke lots of things, generated a mass bloodshed, and then went off to kill Ironaya.

Ironaya

After Vororth summoned her, she came crashing through the door and shouted a load of crap but we ignored her and whooped her ass til she fell to the floor and couldn't get up again. At that point we all jumped on her and pretended she was a bouncy castle as we tried to find the loot she was hiding. After a short while, the loot was found. Vasyor jumped up and down excitedly and asked everyone if he could have the Chippendale pants. Seeing how excited he was, we said we didn't mind. I said to Vasyor there was a condition to him having the pants and said, 'Show us a dance, in your Chippendale pants.' Vasyor happily complied with this request as he was eager to show off his new eight-pack of muscles. As soon as he began to dance like Travolta, so did the others. Me and Adre really got into the groove and couldn't take our eyes off Vasyor as he wrenched off his armour, item by item.

Vasyor strutting his stuff in Uldaman

'Quick', said Adre to me. 'Have you got two tens for a twenty? Then we can both tuck a tenner in his pants.' As I fumbled in my purse and thrust a grubby note in Adre's direction, I noticed that Adre had already set off in the direction of the gyrating rogue. 'Bags me putting it in the front', mouthed Adre to me. I furiously nodded as she ran behind Vasyor to tuck a tenner in the back of his shorts. But, alas, this excitement did not last for long as strange bat-like objects flew into the chamber with the intention of eating the party of five. Of went Vororth, the heroic paladin, and Lasombre, the brave priest, into the breach to save the lives of us, their half-naked friends. We fought our way to the end of Uldaman, stopping for half an hour in a room with stone giants, to eat our truffles and drink our champagne. Seeing as the chamber had high ceilings, we decided that this was a perfect opportunity to have a quick burping competition with the Coke. Unfortunately, because they we were all so good at it, and we all burped at the same time, we all went completely deaf for a while so didn't actually get to hear the winning burp. None dared tell the other about their deafness though for fear of being laughed at. Towards the end, Lasombre had to leave Uldaman to rescue a princess from a dragon in a far off-land. We all showed our gratitute to our dear friend by playfully rugby tackling him to the floor and then giving him a group hug.

As Lasombre waved goodbye, the heroic Vororth had already begun fighting the monsters in the next room. The rest of us joined in and it wasn't long before we reached the end boss. We wondered what we were going to do and decided we may as well have a go on our own until Vasyor pronounced that their brave and majestic friend Modnahria was coming to help. While riding to Uldaman on her great white kitty, Modnahria gave us instructions on how to kill the big boss and his minions. Once inside the instance, we summoned our friend to our group, and Modnahria appeared in an almost blinding blaze of light and beauty. So much so that we thought for a moment that we'd summoned an angel. We got stuck in and very soon we were victorious in our slayings. Halaleset did a /choo choo of victory for her friends and then they all went back home to Ironforge, had a few beers and fell out of the inn and into our various homes. Before retiring for the evening, I said to Adre that I'd been hoping for another sneak peek of Vasyor's pecs. Adre said that she was sure there'd be another time. Vororth sighed as he listened to the inane chatter, whilst Modnahria changed into a furbolg so she could have cuddles and hugs before going off to buy a new outfit.

And they all lived happily ever after.