THREE CHEERS FOR THE LATE SHOW!

After being a lazy gnome all afternoon, I figured it was about time I did something constructive but I wasn’t sure what. I sat at my dining table being waited on by my new boyfriend, Fernando the Felguard. He’s a great cook and he made me scrambled eggs on toast and a nice cup of tea, with a whisky chaser. The chaser builds stamina – didn’t you know? Well, at least that’s what my friend Myrtle told me but she lies sometimes.

Me and my new boyfriend Fernando the Felguard

I sat and wondered what my friends in The Late Show were up to and whether they were off to kill stuff. I kind of remembered signing up for something but couldn’t quite remember what until Fernando reminded me, “It’s your night for slaying Onyxia and Ragnaros ma’am. Is there anything else I can get you oh great gnome?” I shook my head (which made me a bit dizzy) and said “No thank you”. I trotted off out into Ironforge to see who was where and bumped into Yoshette on the bridge.

Yoshette practising her jokes with her Elixir of Face-Ache

As we all know from a previous post, Yoshette has interesting but strange hobbies (see post ‘New Haven Furbolg Recruits’). I jumped up and down so she could see me, “Hello Yoshette!”. “Hail Halaleset”, said Yoshette. Her voice seemed a bit gruff and I think she noticed I noticed as she said, “I’m a girl! Tee hee!” I asked her what she was up to and she said she was trying out a new secret weapon she’d created. I looked her up and down but couldn’t see anything but she was waiting for Amaranthine, the Late Show leader (or ‘Mama Ama’ as we like to call her) to appear to discuss a secret plan to kill Onyxia and Ragnaros. Although we’d not had much trouble doing this in the past, this new plan was supposed to be more ‘amusing’.

Amaranthine (Mama Ama), our raid leader, discussing the final plan with Yoshette

Amaranthine appeared and the two discussed their secret plan but I couldn’t hear anything as they were too tall. I wished Myrtle and Missie were here because we could stand on each other’s shoulders and wear a long raincoat and pretend to be human whilst listening in. As it was, I just stood and pretended to hear. Luckily for me, it wasn’t a secret, and they both bent down to tell me what the plan was. Unfortunately I’d slept through the pre-raid meeting that morning. Oops! Yoshette had been practising her stand-up comedy in the local inn and had inadvertently killed all the dwarves with one of her jokes. Their sides had split from laughing so much! This had made her laugh heartily and, after lots of practice on other dwarves, she’d found a way to tell it so The Late Show gang were immune too. She’d created a secret potion called ‘Elixir of Face-Ache. So, we were planning to kill both Onyxia and Ragnaros with Yoshette’s stand-up comedy jokes. What an ingenious plan!!

Off we all went to Onyxia’s Lair in Dustwallow Marsh. We buffed up ready and summoned a few players who were still having their dinner at home. We formed a big circle around Onyxia and gently and steadily fed her a few small jokes until she flew up in the air and got a bit cross.

Onyxia gets a bit cross

Eventually, Onyxia decided that the only way to get rid of us all was to chuck flaming tomatoes at us. Unfortunately a small number of us got hit by them but it was OK because we were prepared with the big joke that would make her sides split. As we all shouted the joke Onyxia turned her back to us and showed us her bottom. How rude!

Onyxia's bottom - how rude!

We shouted the killing joke and it worked!! Onyxia laughed and snorted so heartily she dropped to the floor, dead as a .... er .... dodo. We were so excited and we all stood by Onyxia very proudly and quite rightly so.

The Late Show slay Onyxia

As Amaranthine looked for the loot, Modnahria and I searched Onyxia’s teeth for cookie crumbles. As furbolgs we could smell the chocolate chips on her breath and thought it was very rude of her not to share them with The Late Show.

Searching for cookie crumbles

Killing Onyxia had filled The Late Show with lots of adrenaline and we all ate our cookie supplies in preparation for killing Ragnaros. We all set off for Molten Core, practising our jokes on each other but being careful not to get too carried away with the killing joke just in case.

Once we got to the entrance of Molten Core we practised on a few trash mobs. It was amazing! Firelords, elementals (not the partying kind – see next post), Corehounds, they all dropped to the floor as their sides split from laughing so much! Yidiendien was so happy he got a nice glowy feeling.

Yidi's nice glowy thing

Eventually we arrived at Ragnaros’ lair. We found Majordomo Executus there who said that Ragnaros was just preparing for our arrival and would we mind waiting a moment. We hadn't told him we were visiting so we presumed he must've heard Onyxia laughing. After five minutes we all wondered what on earth Ragnaros could be doing. He was behaving like a girl and taking far too long so Amaranthine went backstage to have a word with him, and explained to him that it wasn’t him who was entertaining us, but the other way round. Meanwhile, Majordomo Executus, or MC Domo as he likes to be called, entertained us with some of his jokes. He went on for aaaaaaaaages and his jokes were awful! All we heard was, “blah blah blah blah, what’s yellow and dangerous, yada yada, whine, whine, shark-infested custard, blah blah”. Even the normally placid Arcamedis started yelling back at MC Domo.

MC Domo's jokes made us all turn away

We were relieved when Amaranthine came back. She was amazed about the amount of make-up he had back there, and he had enough clothes to fill a lady’s boudoir ten times over. Unfortunately for MC Domo, Ragnaros had heard his terrible jokes and when he came out, he whacked MC Domo over the head with his giant toffee hammer. We felt a bit sorry for MC Domo as we’re sure he’s a nice bloke but it’s his own fault really. At this point, my imp said he wanted to sit at the front with Yoshette. I said he could but that he had to be good. I watched him toddle off and then sit down and open his packed lunch.

The Late Show pummel Ragnaros with their warm-up jokes

When Ragnaros appeared in front of us he shouted, “Come on then you Late Show weaklings! Show me what you’ve got! You’ll NEVAH make me laugh! NEVAH! We all sighed at the tediousness of him and also slightly worried he’d start telling some jokes too so we just pummelled him with heavy jokes until he got a bit peed off and started making strange wailing noises.

Ragnaros listens carefully to our jokes

At one point, he started throwing flaming tomatoes at us (he must've got a stack from Onyxia) but again, we managed to fend those off quite quickly.

Yoshette ran to the front and raised her sword to signal it was time to shout the killing joke in unison. She looked so tiny in front of Ragnaros, in fact we all did! Enea very quickly ran up to the top of the hill so he could get close enough to Ragnaros’ ear to shout clearly. The tanks tanked the jokes as hard as they could, whilst the rogues snuck around the back of Raggy, the paladins did lots of things that I don’t understand, and the mages threw frostbolts at him to make him pay attention. Us warlocks put curses on him so he hurt himself laughing, and the healers looked after us while this was going on.

Brave Enea shouts the jokes in Raggy's ear

As we got to the punchline, we noticed that Ragnaros had stopped making whining noises and was starting to laugh heartily. Suddenly, we heard a really loud ripping sound and we all gasped in awe as his sides started to split and his legs gave way.

Raggy starts to laugh heartily

And suddenly, he was gone! Luckily for us he’d left his toffee hammer behind. It took all forty of us to lift it and mine the toffee mines nearby but after ten minutes or so we were all exhausted but still grinning. We all sat down to congratulate each other but unfortunately, we couldn’t talk to each other as our teeth were stuck together with chewy toffee so we just stuck to one word answers like “Yesh”, or “Pleash”.

Raggy's giant toffee hammer

After Raggy’s pockets had been picked, we all went back to what we doing before and to sleep the sleep of heroes. I was still a bit stir-crazed though so I wandered around Ironforge a bit before I went to bed. Lo and behold there was Yoshette on the bridge again plotting and devising another invention. “It’s to do with Michael Jackson dancing, a white corrupted furbolg's claw, and furbolgs,” she said as she started to grab her crotch and bodypop and shouted "OW"!. I thought she'd hurt herself and offered her a heavy mageweave bandage but Yoshette told me it was part of the invention.

The Michael Jackson white paw

Yoshette then set up her BBQ paws for a while and cookied (oops) cooked us some hot dogs and burgers.

The BBQ paws

After we'd had a burping competition, I left her to her devices and tottered off to bed and looked forward to seeing my Late Show friends again the following evening.

THREE CHEERS FOR THE LATE SHOW!!

MYRTLE & HALALESET BECOME GIRL RACERS AND A COUPLE OF HOs

Myrtle and I are cheeky and sometimes fickle gnomes (almost 'tarts with hearts' but not quite - we do have a grain of respect left still). I bumped into Myrtle the other day when she had just come back from shopping. She said to me that warlocks were getting Felguards sometime soon, therefore, she'd wanted to buy her Smurfy a chair so he could sit down a bit more backstage when the Felguard was busy fighting. As she was her way back from the shops (after falling over outside the Inn and ripping a hole in her tights) Myrtle passed by the Mount Shop and saw the new warlock Dreadsteeds and drooled over the fact they were fast and fiery! The shop owner told Myrtle that if we wanted a Dreadsteed we had to go to Dire Maul, steal cookies off Immol'Thar, and then bring them back as they would serve as 'A Cookie On A Stick'. It sounded like an easy enough job and we decided to make a night of it and invite some friends.

We wandered into the Inn to see who we could find and who should we see but Lasombre, Adre, and Qilar, and his pet, Deadmeat. They jumped at the chance to help us which was great because Lasombre had just won his first disco dancing competition and he showed us his winning move.

Lasombre - disco-dancing champion (look at those thighs!)

Qilar and Deadmeat were currently unbeaten champions in the horde staring-out competitions. Tales have been told that Qilar and Deadmeat's stares have left some horde permanently cross-eyed.

Qilar and Deadmeat - those glowing eyes are enough to stop horde in their (smelly) tracks

Adre had just got a new cookie-scooping claw. She'd wrenched it off someone called Eskhandar (a corrupted furbolg) who'd stolen her cookies. Also, Adre's cousin Neriom had got a Dreadsteed a few months back so she knew exactly what to do in Dire Maul.

Adre - proudly displaying her corrupted furbolg cookie-scooping claw

So we set off to Dire Maul. Secretly I was crapping myself and had to stop for a nervous wee on the boat over.

Me having a wee on the boat - nice bathroom!

When we got to Dire Maul, we spotted lots of spirit elementals having a party. They had a big glowing disco light in the middle of them and they seemed to be having a great time! They asked us to join in as there was free food and booze and they couldn't eat it all.

Our first elemental party

Unfortunately for us it was quite late so we could only stay a short while. The man in the Mount Shop said that Immol'Thar got very grumpy after a certain time and we didn't want that so we set off again only to find another party going on upstairs. We were quite impressed by the way these elementals partied and, unfortunately or fortunately, for us we were invited to stay for a while. Lasombre impressed the elementals with his winning disco mood whilst Myrtle and I pretended to be backing singers/dancers. Unfortunately, we'd had too much to drink and we kept falling off our dancing podiums. I made a mental note to ask for dancing cages next time and Myrtle agreed. Qilar and Deadmeat, disappointed at the lack of horde appearances, watched the disco inferno and then showed off their practising winning stares to the crowd. After that, Adre, a bit drunk, did her party trick of scooping up 100 cookies in one swipe and then making them disappear. Everyone was extremely impressed and no-one could find where the cookies went to.

The second elemental party

We set off again, eventually, to see Immol'Thar. When we got there he was reeeeeeeeally grumpy and wouldn't give us his cookies. He said, and quite rightly so, "Would you like to get visitor's in your house at this late time of the night?" We were so sorry and apologised to him. He said, "Why should I give you rude little mortals my cookies when I worked so hard to save for them?" Adre magically produced the cookies she'd made disappear from the elemental's party and Immol'Thar's eyes lit up. He said he'd always wanted to try elemental cookies but the supermarket was too far away and he had a dodgy leg. Also, he couldn't get an internet connection yet to order any so he had to make do with pitiful hand-outs. Immol'Thar gave us his cookies and then sat down to sample some of the elemental ones he now had.


Immol'Thar was so happy he was a bit overcome and had to go to bed


Immol'Thar was so grateful for his cookies that he gave us a Dreadsteed, plus one free! Wow! So we both got one!

Our first Dreadsteed - buy one get one free!

We had a bit of a celebration and we all had a dance with Immol'Thar but the poor guy was a bit tired so he went off to bed and left us to it. We used some things we found in our pockets to decorate the place a bit and make it a bit more discoey. We all took turns in wearing Adre's bear paw and practised scooping cookies. We were only allowed to wear it for 10 seconds each though as Adre didn't want to be parted from it for long as it kept her right hand nice and warm and she'd already mislaid the left one.

Our own little celebration

So, we left a very happy Immol'Thar behind, promising to return one day with more cookies. We headed back to Ironforge, tired but also very happy. Before going to bed we had a quick ride on our Dreadsteeds and rode like boy (girl) racers around the Bank and Auction House.

Revving the engines of our new mounts

Myrtle, being a flirty ho, said we should try and impress boys with our new toys. We found our friend Vintaro who was on his old 1000cc Ford Fiesta-type mount and he was impressed and asked us both to come back to his house. We weren't quite sure why but I'm sure I saw a glint in his eye while he shifted in his seat.

Vintaro - sexy gnome, shame about the mount

We took his telephone number as he's kinda cute and I know for sure that he has nice legs. Off we went to bed, sleepily making plans for more boy racing and chasing, and trips to the inn.