Part 1

DID SCHWICK EAT PUPPY? TWO BRAVE, (AND ONE NOT SO BRAVE) ADVENTURERS ATTEMPT TO DISCOVER THE ANSWER.



PART TWO of the 'WHERE'S PUPPY?' adventures.



Puppy Poo. How cute!


Before Toluca made her way to Bloodmyst Isle to speak to High Chief Stillpine, I visited my favourite toffee place in Theramore. I thought it was strange how people should leave toffees hanging around for anyone to take but I didn’t care as I needed to find my Puppy Poo. I figured that when Toluca spoke to High Chief Stillpine, he would be very very friendly to her, and it’s always nice and polite to take toffees and cookies as presents when visiting friends. Anyway, I tucked one toffee into each cheek and ran back very slowly (the toffees were rather heavy) to give one to Toluca, and one as a present for High Chief Stillpine. I tried not to drool too much on them but it was difficult because they were so tasty.


Free toffees!


Toluca was very grateful (how sweet! – sweetness and kindess runs in our family didn’t you know?), and, later on when she came back from her visit, she told me about her furbolg dialect conversation with him. He was gravely concerned about Puppy’s disappearance (and very very grateful for the toffee), and with sadness in his eyes, he’d explained to Toluca that it may be too late to rescue Puppy from his sad fate



High Chief Stillpine receives Toluca's toffees


My eyes widened as Toluca explained about the legendary dinosaur that roamed a far and distant place called Un’Goro. He was known in the area for chasing the smaller dinosaurs and stealing their cookies (how mean!), and lunch money. Rumor had it that Puppy had ventured into the area (for reasons we don’t know), and that the big dinosaur had eaten him and it was up to me to find out if this was true. “But what’s the dinosaur’s name?” I pleaded. “We need to know who we’re looking for?” Toluca’s face went a deathly white, and she had to sit down for a while (she momentarily mistook me for a chair as I’m so small – stupid draenei). As her mouth opened, she uttered a word that had sent a shiver down High Chief Stillpine’s lovely white fur when he’d mentioned it …..

Schwick

I raced back to see Modnahria. She is a very wise furbolg and would know what to do about Schwick. When I found her she was sitting on her favourite chair and writing down how many types of cookies she’d found on her recent travels. Eventually she had to put her book to one side as her drooling was smearing her very neat handwriting (which is difficult when you have such big furry paws).



Modnahria consults (and drools on) her cookie book


Modnahria welcomed me in and said I could help myself to the candyfloss that was next to her chair. I explained the dilemma to her and she sat thoughtfully for a minute or two. Unfortunately, I managed to get candyfloss stuck up my nose but I found if I sniffed hard enough it went down my throat – just like when you have a cold. I also noticed that Modnahria had some stuck on her eyebrows but she hadn’t realised. “How cute!,” I thought.


Modnahria and her candyfloss


“You must visit Schwick in Un’Goro and ask him if he’s eaten Puppy but it will be no easy task. You must take a bearded dwarf with you,” said Modnahria. I sat and wondered who on earth I could ask to help and then suddenly I remembered my new friend Sisif. Surely he would come to help a cute but naughty gnome. Modnahria explained that the toffee stuck in dwarves beards could act as a lure so Schwick would come out of hiding.

So off I went to Ironforge to find Sisif. I quickly went into Modnahria’s old house to have a wee and a cookie and found my Tranquil Mechanical Yeti practising his cookie stealing skills on Modnahria’s bear rug. How cute!


A cookie-stealing yeti! How nice!


Meanwhile, Smurfy said he was just going to visit my friend Lirn’s dress shop to see if there were any decent beards worth buying with his weekly allowance. He’d desperately wanted a beard for ages. I told him to meet me outside the Ironforge Auction House in ten minutes so we could find Sisif and then set off for Un’Goro as soon as possible.

Fortunately, as I approached the bridge I saw Sisif and my other good friend Hephestus. As I sneaked up behind them (and Yeti practised his cookie stealing skills on Hephestus) I heard them talking about the latest kills they’d done. Hephestus was telling Sisif how he’d kicked some orc in the shins and then when the orc had doubled over in pain, Heph had stolen his cookies and run off. Meanwhile, Sisif was explaining the benefit of sneezing to catch the enemy off guard. “A good sneeze, always blinds undeads, especially since the velocity of said sneeze is enough to rattle their bones.” Heph then mentioned how he’d seen a Wanted poster for a furbolg cookie stealer. At that point, I put my hands behind my back, whistled innocently, and said, “Must’ve been a bad Stillpine or Bristleback,” (it’s very difficult not to drool whilst whistling and speaking and looking innocent).



Hephestus and Sisif



“I must love you and leave you now,” said Heph, “I have important cheese fashions to attend to.” We both wished him well and I couldn’t help noticing how his bottom looked kinda cute in his pants. “Anyway, to more urgent business,” I thought to myself. I quickly explained to Sisif my predicament and why I desperately needed him to come and help. His normally cheery face turned sad and he gazed down at his beard. He immediately turned to me and saluted and said, “I’ve never met this Puppy before but I hear he is a good gnome. I will gladly come to help with Schwick.”



My yeti steals Heph's cookies


At this point Smurfy came back and I introduced him to Sisif. Smurfy could only stare at Sisif’s long and luscious beard and it took me a while to get Smurfy’s attention back. “But I so want a beard. They look so nice and cosy,” said Smurfy, “and all my friends have one.” I told Smurfy we had to do this important mission first and then we’d see about getting him a new beard. He seemed happy with that so off we all went to Un’Goro. Smurfy was particularly excited as he’d seen Jurassic Park with his friend Bellos (Amaranthine’s smurf) the other day.

Once we were in Un’Goro I wasn’t sure how Sisif would feel about me being a furbolg. So I quickly changed into one and I think he weed himself a bit as he thought I was a monster.



Sisif gets a bit worried


After he’d got over the initial shock we went for a quick swim in the local pool to freshen up for our meeting with Schwick. Smurfy was so excited about getting a new beard, he created a few ‘bubbles’ in the water, whilst Sisif pretended to be a shark and swam around under the water and made shark noises a lot.



Smurfy gets excited and Sisif pretends to be a shark


All of a sudden, the ground started to shake and the three of us stopped what we were doing. “That sounds like him, he’s sensed my toffee beard” said Sisif, “we should get going and find him.” We tumbled out of the pool and dried ourselves off and ran down the hill and bumped into the biggest dinosaur evah!



Schwick smells Sisif's toffee beard


A bit of wee escaped but I braced myself and prepared to fight the big beast. “Where’s Puppy??”, we shouted to Schwick. Schwick turned to look at us and I swear I saw him drool when he looked at me. “AHA!! ANOTHER SMALL TASTY GNOME MORSEL FOR ME TO EAT!,” he roared. I was so scared!! But I sighed with admiration as both Smurfy and Sisif raced towards Schwick and tried to save me. How brave!



I am saved! How brave!


I stood on my tiptoes and shouted at Schwick, “Did you eat my Puppy Poo?” “MUHAHAHAHAHA – YES I DID EAT PUPPY AND TO PROVE IT, I HAVE HIS INSIGNIA THAT I COUGHED UP,” boomed Schwick. I started to cry just a little as I saw the glinting insignia. “Quick Hala! Throw me one of your pigtail bands! I have a plan!” shouted Sisif. I threw him my spare pigtail band and Smurfy and Sisif took one end each and ran around and around Schwick in circles until Schwick dropped the insignia and crashed to the floor. “OUCH! I JUST CHIPPED A NAIL! THAT WASN’T NICE” boomed Schwick. I ran to pick up the insignia and realised that although it was a genuine Puppy Love insignia, it was one that he’d given away to a fan of his comics and he’d only ever had one made.



Puppy's token of appreciation


As Schwick lay there with an elastic band around his knees I breathed a sigh of relief. “Is it Puppy’s?” asked Smurfy, while Sisif checked Schwick’s teeth for cookies. “It isn’t,” I said. “But we should check his back end for signs of the poor Puppy look-a-like he’s obviously swallowed.”



We check Schwick's teeth for cookie crumbles



Waiting for the poor gnome. How sad.


We all wondered how long it would take for the poor unknown gnome to appear out of Schwick’s back end. After an hour or so, we came to the saddened conclusion that either the poor gnome had made his new gnome home in Schwick’s tummy, or he’d managed to escape in some dinosaur poo. We were hoping the latter was the case as we quickly trotted up to Fire Plume Ridge to take a quick sauna to relax. As we ran away, we heard Schwick sniffling and crying and promising never to eat another gnome ever again. Luckily my elastic bands don’t last very long so it wouldn’t be long before Schwick was on his way again.



Smurfy gets in trouble. My fault.


When we got to the sauna, poor Sisif’s beard came under intense scrutiny from Smurfy. I secretly thought Sisif’s beard was rather lush and could just about see the glinting toffees stuck inside it. I secretly touched Sisif’s beard and tried to grab a toffee but unfortunately poor Smurfy got the blame. “Stop touching my beard Smurfy, it’s not a toy!” exclaimed Sisif in a very frustrated manner. Poor Smurfy.


Poor Smurfy. But just look at those toffees!


We were all so relived that Schwick hadn’t eaten Puppy and we all sat and had a think about what we were to do next. We didn’t have another clue to follow and Azeroth and the Outlands are such big places. What was I to do? I sniffled a little and my nose dribbled too and suddenly I was sitting on a very hot floor crying my little eyes out with a hot bottom. Smurfy was shocked as he’d never seen me so upset and both him and Sisif immediately comforted me and told me that they would continue to help me find my Puppy Poo. As Sisif gave me a big hug and a piece of toffee from his beard, I swore to myself I’d never say anything mean about dwarves ever again.

Once I’d regained my composure, we all went back off to Ironforge to the local inn and had some Dwarven Ale, but not before going to my friend Lirn’s local shop to buy Smurfy a new beard because he’d been so brave and good.


Smurfy's new beard


After a few dwarven ales, we all made way back to our houses and to have a think about what we were going to do next. On my way home, I bumped into my friend Kyona. She is a very good furbolg friend of mine, and to cheer me up, she took me to the local funfair in Nagrand. “One of the goblins has a big bouncy trampoline, and if you can bounce high enough into the nest above, you get a nice prize,” she said. Although she did warn us that the goblin didn’t like furbolgs much.



Kyona keeping an eye on the furbolg hunter


Smurfy was very excited though as he watched Kyona and I jumping on the trampoline, so much so, that he wanted a go too, but was a bit scared to go on his own.



Kyona and I jumping at the Nagrand fairground.



Smurfy wanted a go!


As we were jumping, Kyona swore that she would listen out for any news of Puppy’s whereabouts. She was saddened to hear that he’d disappeared and that even though she’d never met him, she had heard he was a particularly handsome gnome. Kyona’s kind words warmed my heart, and, after giving her a big hug, I made my weary way home and fell asleep on the first table I found, and dreamed of Puppy and I playing together in some nice green fields.


Snoozling.


Maybe I could find some clues from other friends. Who knows? But when I woke up later I found a note in my pocket from a furbolg friend who is a master of disguise called Eitre. Maybe he could teach me some furbolg disguise tips for hiding and finding clues …..

To be continued ……

Part 3

OH WHERE, OH WHERE, HAS MY PUPPY POO GONE …. ?

Last week Arcamedis and I decided to explore a bit more of Netherstorm. We packed some nice snacks and drinks for a picnic, put them in a big backpack, and asked Smurfy very nicely to carry them for us.

Me and Arcy - firm friends

When we arrived, Smurfy complained a bit and said he wanted to stay back home and watch Cagney & Lacey reruns. I said to him, “You’ve already seen them twice before. Why on earth would you want to see them again?” He kinda looked a bit sheepish and seemed to be inspecting his new dress (made by my very good friend Lirn) and sniffling (Smurfy dresses aren’t easy to make so I was hoping he wasn’t going to drool and snot on them). In the end I made him take it off just in case it got dirty.

Smurfy's new dress - made by Lirn (a clever warlock)

I gave Smurfy a big hug and he said, “I don’t like this place, send me back”. I comforted him a bit more and assured him that we would look after him. Smurfy agreed to stay and began to chat excitedly to his new friend Bellos (Amaranthine’s smurf) using his new Shadowline telephone gadget.

So anyway, there Arcy and I were, happily killing things while Smurfy ate our packed lunches and spoke to his new buddy Bellos and his Unky Hydraxis on the ‘phone.

Smurfy's Unky Hydraxis

While Arcy was busy zapping away, I got an uncomfortable feeling in my bottom and mentioned to Arcy that I needed to pop back to Shattrath for a short while but I’d be back soon. He was happy about that and offered to look after Smurfy until then. So I arrived at Shattrath and just decided to quickly check my mail before heading off to the small gnomes’ room. I got the shock of my life when I read the following letter from Puppy –

Puppy's Letter. How sad


I was quite stunned for a moment and because I had my mouth open in shock I accidentally swallowed a bug. I quickly chewed it and swallowed and then the enormity of what had just happened just hit me.

Puppy was gone!! Oh noes! Even though he was on holiday there was no telling how long he'd be away for. I needed to find him and quick! It was then I realised I'd started to miss my Puppy Poo dreadfully. How sad.


Me and Puppy - aged Level 40-something

After the momentary panic I thought to myself, “Maybe he’s just kidding around and gone up to Netherstorm and Ivalice is another name for that place?” So I quickly summoned Henryetta, my Ebon Gryphon, and flew back to meet Arcy and Smurfy, with the letter tucked in my grubby pocket. I was hoping it wouldn’t get covered in cookie crumbles and toffee wrappers.

Happy times - me and Puppy playing


So I got back to Netherstorm and told Arcy what had just happened. He was stunned too and had his mouth open (a bug didn’t fly in which I thought was a bit unfair) when he read the letter and before immediately leaving to alert our friend Modnahria, he said to scout quick around this area, before heading back to Shattrath to form a plan of action. It was also at that time I remembered why I hearthed back there in the first place so after running around and shouting “Puppy??!!”, I flew back, went to the small gnomes’ room (phew! Just in time), and immediately sought out Arcy and Modnahria. (Smurfy was excited to be going home but he was also worried about Puppy and arranged to meet Bellos another day).


Caught short. Oh dear.


When I got back to Shattrath, I found Arcy waiting for me. He’d found Modnahria, who had immediately set off to find out what information she could find. Modnahria, being the High Chief Tummy Rubber of the Furbolg Tribe, has ways and means of snuffling for information with her highly trained wet nose. She had left a message with Arcy saying that I should meet her at a secret pond. She needed to cleanse herself of her human form and having me there with Puppy’s smell on me (not bad ones) would help.


Modnahria and I at the secret pond


After the cleansing ritual, Modnahria told me she had to go to a dark, distant, and dangerous place to perform cookie magics and hopefully get some clues as to Puppy’s whereabouts. Before she left however, me, her, and Arcy had a quick meeting in Stormwind and discussed some information she had smelled just five minutes ago. One of the vendors in Stormwind had secretly whispered her a clue and she shared it with us as we toasted marshmallows over a nice fire. The clue was to be found with Onyxia.


Toasting marshmallows and discussing plans


We all rushed off to find some furbolg friends to accompany us as we all know how bad-tempered Onyxia can be (and she has tasty cookies hidden in her whelp caves). Eventually, we managed to round up some furbolgs and one human to help us. “Safety in numbers,” we thought. And with that, myself, Arcamedis, Modnahria, Amaranthine, Yoshette, Odyl, Vororth, (and Impy, I let Smurfy stay at home) all padded off to Dustwallow Marsh, on our big furry paws (except Vororth. He’s not a furbolg yet, so we figured that if Onyxia got really cross, we could offer him as a sacrifice).

We all bypassed our houses on the way to have a last minute nervous wee, and get bandages. As I walked in my front door, I noticed Impy messing about with my picture box and taking silly pictures of himself. I immediately scolded him and said that he needed to focus as we were going on a special mission to find Puppy. “But he smells like poop!” said Impy. I sighed at him and he cackled to himself knowing he’d wound me up. As punishment, I scooped him up and zipped him into my pocket however I didn’t zip it all the way up so at least he could breathe a little. After struggling a bit he seemed to calm down. Licking my old toffee wrappers no doubt.


Impy's picture of himself


After half an hour or so, we reached Menethil Harbor and I suddenly remembered Impy was still in my pocket. I pulled him out and he looked at me with his sad eyes and said he’d never say anything bad about Puppy again. So I placed him on the pier and he was silent for a while as he pondered his actions. After I while I went to give him a big hug as I know he gets embarrassed.


Impy pondering. How sweet


When we got to the outside of Onyxia’s cave, we noticed some other people there. We asked if they wanted to help, but they said that furbolgs smell and then tried to steal our cookies. How rude! So Modnahria rawred at them and they soon ran away.


Trying to steal our cookies. How rude


We entered Onyxia’s cave and met her guards on the way in. We explained our predicament about Puppy and they felt very sad. They’d heard about his wit and humour and when we asked to see Onyxia, they let us pass with tears in their eyes. When we got to Onyxia she was sleeping and seemed to be dreaming about chasing something as her back leg was moving backwards and forwards in her sleep. Maybe she was chasing cookies. How cute! We weren’t sure about waking her so we waited for five minutes to see what would happen. Someone also had brought 20 Nagrand Cherries with them covered in chocolate to give to her.


Waiting for Onyxia to awaken


Onyxia was very pleased to see us and welcomed us into her home. She looked very tired still but after offering her the present and Vororth (nah, we didn't offer Vororth, just kidding!), she listened carefully to our tale of woe. Odyl even managed to impress her with his new set of brightly coloured totems and gave Onyxia one to serve as a bedtime lamp just in case she ever had nightmares.


Odyl impressing Onyxia with his totems

After thinking about our dilemma (for what seemed like an eternity), she said she remembered hearing something from the great and powerful leader of the furbolg tribe on Azuremyst Isle, Chief Stillpine. “That is where you must look next”, she boomed (we ducked the flame breath, phew!) “But it cannot be undertaken by any mere mortal”. As she said this she looked at me and said, “You are Puppy’s greatest friend, it is up to you to find a suitable person, someone who can speak the Stillpine furbolg dialect.” And with that, Onyxia said she wanted to go back to sleep some more, especially since she had her nice new totem to keep her company. With that, we bade Onyxia farewell and thanked her for her time.

We say goodbye to Onyxia

I immediately thought of my draenei niece Toluca. She is a priest and is Level 25 years old. I remember her saying the other day that she’d learned to speak Stillpine furbolg and had recently been hailed as a hero by the residents of Azuremyst and Bloodmyst Isle for doing a particularly hard quest, thanks to her druid friend Vaine, and her pet Lurky, and she’d had a commemorative picture taken to remember the day.

Toluca's commemorative picture



I was so proud of her


So, the next step was to ask Toluca to speak to High Chief Stillpine. We wondered what he had to say and whether he could lead us to more clues as to the whereabouts of our beloved Puppy Poo.


To be continued ……..

Part 2