I am a good and kind (sometimes naughty) gnome furbolg. This diary is all about my adventures in Azeroth and Outlands. My smurf and imp write most of it while I dictate from my bed eating chocolates. If there are any spelling/grammatical errors blame them. See any dodgy looking text? They haven't been on a programming course yet - the dwarf that normally runs it, is currently stuck in the toilet in Searing Gorge and refuses to come out unless I go on a date with him. Gah!

A VERY MERRY WINTER VEIL TO YOU ALL FROM THE 'FURBOLG RETIREMENT CLUB'

Everyone knows that furbolgs make the tastiest cookies. It’s written in musty books and on ancient pieces of bloody cloth and tree bark. Furbolgs guard their secrets with the utmost care and diligence, and those who dare to infiltrate the furbolg’s secrets are usually subjected to the Curse of the Deadwood. This is a nasty rash that itches for days which I can imagine must be hell if you are wearing lots of armor and can’t get it off in time to scratch.

So it was a surprise when I was shopping in Ironforge looking for nice underwear in the Auction House (not second-hand of course), and a little baby furbolg came trotting up to me with a scrap of tree bark in his hand. I recognised him as Smallpaws, the son of Kernda who lives in the tunnel leading to Winterspring.

Smallpaws shares a secret


He looked very excited and was trembling so much I thought his little furry legs were going to give way! I quickly picked him up and took him to one side and sat him on my knee. “I have a message for you Auntie Hala. You must quickly visit us up in the tunnel. We have something exciting to share with you!” With that, he quickly pressed the scrap of tree bark into my paws, licked my nose, and disappeared in a poof of furbolg magic!



Smallpaws is sometimes a very polite furbolg


Sometimes I think Smallpaws spends too much time with my imp, Choham (who is also rude)


I looked at the message and the strange furbolg symbols translated as something like this (it is difficult to translate furbolg directly to other languages), “Rawwwr grawww come quick rawwr secret truffles rawrawr”.

I quickly told my furbolg friends Sni, Vulcor, and Skree about this, and without further ado we summoned our mounts and galloped up to Felwood to see what Kernda needed. Maybe they had run short of their favourite snack and needed us to help find some more materials to make more of them. When we eventually arrived Kernda was so excited to see us and she kept running around in circles and drooling a lot. Eventually she stopped and greeted us with open furry paws.



Kernda greeted us with open furry paws


“Rawr! I am so glad you have all arrived. I have the tastiest secret to share with you and your friends in Azeroth and Outlands. As you all know, us furbolgs have our own secret seasonal rituals, however we observe the festivities of Winter Veil out of a mark of respect for our non-furbolg friends. Therefore this is an important time of year when everyone must be kind to each other and that also means not eating unsuspecting paladins. I am entrusting you to share this secret furbolg chocolate truffle recipe with everyone in Azeroth and Outlands. Say to everyone you know that this is an offer of our utmost friendship and trust.




Kernda shares her secret recipe with us


I could feel Gore One-Eye, the furbolg who looks after some of the secrets, ‘eyeing’ us out of the corner of his good eye. He is a furbolg who doesn’t trust anyone and because we are only half furbolg he is still unsure as to whether we are worthy of helping the Timbermaw. We ran up to Gore and gave him a big furry hug and promised him we would do our best to spread the message of goodwill to everyone and with that he put his furry arms around us and squeezled us so much we almost couldn’t breathe!



We group-hug Gore One Eye. How nice!


So here is the recipe from the Timbermaw. May it bring you all good cheer, happiness, and luck during the Winter Veil season and months to come!

Instructions: Eating it sitting down for 10 seconds will add +10 to some stats. Strength, for opening all your lovely presents; Stamina, for lasting the day without falling asleep in a big cosy chair; Agility, for stealing the last roast potato off the table before anyone else; Spirit, ….. your glass of Winter Veil cheer; Intellect, for being able to understand what people are saying after your nth glass of Winter Veil cheer!


TASTY TIMBERMAW TRUFFLES

300g [Broken Dark Chocolate Pieces]
200ml [Double Cream]
75g [Icing Sugar]
50ml [Cider Brandy] or [Calvados Rum]
2 x [Heaped dessertspoons of honey]
Pinch of [Salt]
Sifted [Cocoa Powder]


Put all the ingredients in a heat-proof bowl (if you are a dwarf remember to tuck your beard in your shirt just in case it catches fire). Place the bowl over a pan of just-boiled [Water]. Leave the mixture to melt and stir only once or twice (the temptation to eat the mixture is great at this point). Line a tray 30cm x 30cm x 2cm deep with [Clingfilm], or any other type of tray depending on the thickness you would like.


When the mixture has melted and you have ensured it has blended thoroughly, pour it into the tray. Leave the mixture to cool in a [Fridge or Winterspring/Dun Morogh snow], and let it chill until firm to the touch. Cut the mixture into squares (or Winter Veil shapes if you prefer) and dust them with [Cocoa Powder].


Potential side effects: Swollen tummy and liable to groaning noises when tummy hurts after eating too many.

We baked the truffles and served them on a big plate in the inn in Ironforge. This is a picture of what they looked like when cookied …. um …. cooked ….



Someone ate all the truffles!


Us furbolgs highly recommend eating [Tasty Timbermaw Truffles] with either a hot cup of [Coffee] or a nice glass of [Red Wine].

Hope you enjoy your treats and on behalf of the 'Furbolg Retirement Club' may we wish you all a very merry and happy Winter Veil season!

Rawrs xxx

OOC - A special note: I must thank my IRL furbolg auntie, Rae, for making me some Tasty Timbermaw Truffles and sharing this recipe with me. She gave me some to take back to my cave to eat and now they have all disappeared too!

THE 'FURBOLG RETIREMENT CLUB' MOVE TO MOONGLADE

We recently moved the 'Furbolg Retirement Club' from The Venture Co. to Moonglade as we heard that the cookies, nuts and fruits were much tastier there. It was a very sad affair as we had to leave Modnahria behind and we knew before leaving we could never return. Also, Modnahria needed to stay to organise our cookie stores and take an invan ... invernt .... make a list of what we had. This was what happened on the journey ....

We conquered lots of places while we were on The Venture Co. like Gruul's Lair


The sound of weeping grew distant as the boat pulled away further from the shore. We watched in silence as the figure of Modnahria, our High Chief Tummy Rubber, faded slowly into the distance. Arcemedis found that if he squinted his eyes narrowly against the glare of the fading sun, he could still see Modnahria's silhouette alternating between waving goodbye with her old tattered piece of bloody human robe, and wiping her eyes of tears. As The Venture Co. faded, Arcemedis turned to face his tribe of furbolgs. He looked at each of us in turn, fondly, and then took a deep breath as he felt the sadness trying to overwhelm him


Our tribe leader, Arcemedis


"We have to be brave now," he said. "Modnahria will keep the furbolg law alive for us and maybe join us soon, but we have new places to explore and brand new adventures to take part in!"


Arcemedis knew he'd done the right thing as he detected faint smiles and looks of trust on the group of furry faces standing before him. Only my impy, Choham, looked forlorn as he gazed off into the distance.


Choham was already missing Modnahria


"Where are we going again?" I said. "Will there be cookies?" At the mention of cookies, the other furbolgs began to snuffle the deck of the boat for long-lost crumbles, producing specially crafted long straws designed to reach into the smallest of corners. Even the dustiest looking crumbles tasted delicious!


"I am sure I saw Modnahria give Arcemedis a bag of cookies for our long journey", said Begile. At this, Arcemedis grinned as he saw long tendrils of drool hang from his friends' mouths and thought that it was a good thing. "As long as they are not sad anymore", he thought. With that, he produced a big bag of cookies from his backpack and handed them out to us. I saw Choham smile as he politely took the cookie offered to him. I patted him gently and whispered to him that there would be plenty of people in the new land for him to wipe his nose on.


We enjoyed a snoozle on the streets of Stormwind while Choham kept watch


"Where are we heading?" said Vulcor, remembering my previous question. "Moonglade you say?" Due to the mixed sadness and excitement, we hadn't heard half of what Arcemedis had said before we left, so we were still unsure as to what was happening. We had also been distracted by a very tasty looking paladin outside the port who had refused to share his cookies. We had chased him until he'd weed himself into submission and then we used our specially crafted furbolg paladin-armor tin-opener to extract his cookies.


We often enjoyed the juiciness of paladin-meat


Arcemedis explained that we were retiring to Moonglade. He went on to say how Modnahria's big musty books (the ones that make her sneezle if they are too dusty) portray Moonglade as a paradise, where everyone is friendly and cookies grow on trees.


Modnahria and her secret musty cookie crumble book


"This calls for a new engineering invention!" exclaimed Begile. With that, he tottered over to the corner of the ship and produced a scrap of bloody cloth and a dirty toenail that served as a pencil. Soon, he was lost in thoughts of designing a new cookie stealer that could reach even the highest trees in Azeroth and Outlands.


Arcemedis pointed at me, "This also means that a new place means starting afresh, so you and your minions are not allowed to go around randomly licking people Hala!" I pretended I hadn't heard and ran excitedly up to the helm of the boat and pretended to drive it with my clumsy furry paws. As my friends huddled together for warmth on the deck below, and a full moon began to rise in the sky, my gnomish "choo choo!" filled the air from the helm of the boat.


We couldn't take our normal mode of transport because it would've sunk


And so, the brave and adventurous furbolgs eventually fell asleep on the deck of the boat. As the hours passed and furry paws sleepily twitched in anticipation of climbing tall trees for cookies, the sun rose, and the grand empire of Moonglade came into view.


We woke and stood in silent awe, and furry paw clasped furry paw to give courage. And silently, and with quiet excitement, we stepped off the boat and into the new world, all hoping to bring peace and to make new friends, as only furbolgs could.


One of our younger members, Madnohria, displaying our new tabard. She holds the spirit of Modnahria


Madnohria visited Frasaboo who welcomed us with open paws


It wasn't long before other furry friends began to join the tribe after they had heard how wonderful Moonglade was. And now, the 'Furbolg Retirement Club' wanders in peace around Azeroth and Outlands looking for cookies and friends (not necessarily in that order).


Thoughts of our old home are still with us


Maybe I'll find Puppy on Moonglade too .... who knows?